November 28, 2018
Even though I’ve identified as draconic for over two decades now, I still have the occasional moment where I seriously doubt my identity. My memory is generally quite good, but I remember how my identity manifested after I discovered the alterhuman community a lot better than I can remember how I felt before that point, and I occasionally get to worrying that I just had an affinity for dragons as a kid and forced an identity on myself once I discovered what otherkin and therians were.
I had the chance to go through some of my childhood belongings recently and I can’t tell you how amazing it felt to see all the drawings I did of myself as a dragon. I generally don’t worry about my identity that much as far as gender and sexuality go, so I try to tell myself my species identity isn’t that big of a deal either. Still, I’ve definitely found myself worrying about my species identity over the years and it’s so incredibly soothing to know what I’m feeling has been with me all along. It was never just a phase, and for me at least, it never really came in waves either…it was always in the background of my life, affecting how I thought, and what kind of art I made, what I bought, etc. It was there, for sure, and even if I can’t remember how I felt everyday of my childhood, seeing this stuff shows me I definitely identified as nonhuman since I was a child.
For those of you doubting, don’t worry. Even if you are doubting your identity, it means you’re thinking about it, and that’s something not everyone can say they do. If you end up being wrong, that’s fine! At least you took the time to explore yourself, and hopefully you learned a little about yourself along the way. For those of you who ultimately are alterhuman, I hope you find a moment of peace with your identity like I have, whether its finding you were alterhuman all along, confirming your kintype after so many years of searching, or whatever else it may be.